The Only Correct View of the World

The United Kingdom Of Great Britain and Other Places

Max — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 17:30:35 +0000

Last week contained two special days for people of a British persuasion.

Firstly there was Saint George’s Day, (Of “Oh, save me from this dragon, sweet saint George” fame) and then there was Shakespeare’s Birthday. These are two days I hold close to my heart, for the simple facts that both the former and the latter endorsed violence in every possible form. I mean, wouldn’t you just love to see what Will would have come up with if he’d been given, say, hand grenades? Or my trusty Luger?

And Saint George…well…what can I say? Anybody who kills dragons for a living makes me sweat for two reasons. Number one, I would like to challenge that guy to a duel, and number two, I really really really would like a dragon. Really. If anybody can provide, send one freepost to

c/o Superball

The White House Lawn

The United States of America

Questions next week…Remember! Remember! Remember! And remember! again.

Max The Unholy

An Interesting Question

Max — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 17:35:13 +0000

Now, you know as well as I do that I will do anything to win the hearts of the public, so even though I’ve technically made this weeks post, I’m giving you something extra, a little taster, if you will. I may even reveal where I keep my gun…

I was asked today, by an adoring fan about that long standing Internet question “Would you prefer to be a pirate, or a ninja?”

The answer was, of course, both.

Which ignorant Internet pig says you should be a pirate or a ninja? Ninja pirates are a much needed commodity in this sorry world, and I would pioneer, as I often do, a new trend. My ship would be ninja black, with a carved wood model of my smiling jaws across the bows. My crew would dress in pirate outfits, and still be as agile as any ninja. I would stand at the prow, and all those who saw me would tremble.

When I came near a pirate ship, I’d quickly scrub all the black off my own, and sail up to it ordinarily, take part in a friendly allies dinner, and ransack it when I was done.

When ninjas blocked my path, I’d sail up to them, and tell them how great my pirate clothes were, that I just took from a defeated ship, before shooting them all with my flintlocky pistols.

Pirate or Ninja?

Both, I say, Both!

I’ve run out of time and patience this week to tell you about my gun. I’ll continue on said theme…next Tuesday.

Max.

A Warm Max Welcome

Max — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 17:33:10 +0000

Which is the best I can manage in my current state. If you’re reading this, you’ll probably have noticed that I have created a blog, onto which I will post ponderings and platitudes…the latter of which being a sort of fish. Oh yes, I hear you cry. Our President has finally caught hold of the zeitgeist (again, a kind of fish,) and is humbling himself by commenting directly to the people?

Well, listen here, sunny jims, although this is online, this is still President Max. And I can still annexe New Hampshire. Or Kansas, for that matter.

So, enough of happy topics such as fish and annexing (A favourite hobby of mine,) and lets get onto how this bad boy is going to work. Every week you’ll have a paragraph or two of Max, and every third week, you get the opportunity to ask me questions, through this nifty comments page… I like these WordPress guys. If you also have a certain topic you want me to rant (I mean speak), about, bung it on the bottom of a post.

Feel free to check out my other pages, especially the disclaimer (which my lawyers told me to put there.)

Why would I want a disclaimer?

Huh?

Max